…but speaking the truth in LOVE , we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is head, even Christ”Ephesians 4:15
When we face conflict within our marriage, how do you handle this? Justifying your behavior, maybe? Shifting blame? Revenge? And how do you feel after all of this is over? Do you feel heard? Did you reach common ground? Or guilty, with even more built up aggression? Do you feel proud of yourself? You know, telling it like it is. There is only one way to sum up this thinking….PRIDE.
Pride is an inflated opinion about yourself, a birthing of self-deception. Pride tells you that your opinions are justified. Pride speaks lies to you: “I can do this on my own!”, “It’s my way or no way!”, “He doesn’t know what he is doing!”, or “I’m an independent woman, I don’t need him!”. Pride is dangerous, it justifies your actions and opinions. Pride makes you become self-preserved, never acting in love. Instead of drawing the love of your life near you it has the opposing effect, it pushes him away. Marital conflicts can be resolved by laying our pride aside and working together as the one flesh, the unity that God intended.
” With all lowliness and meekness, with long suffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”Ephesians 4:2-3
These two verses sums up exactly what a believer’s reaction should be in the mist of conflict. Especially a wife! A humble wife views herself in perspective to God. You don’t think more highly of yourself than you ought to think. You become sensitive to God’s direction when you take the position of submissiveness to God’s word. When you humble yourself by putting your husband first. You go to seek God’s way and glorify Him with your meekness, your strength under control. This is one of the characteristics of modest apparel. A lot of times we, women, express too much emotion during conflict. There is nothing sinful about being emotional but it can become sinful when it is used to manipulate your way over your husband. Gentleness or meekness in this verse gives compassion. It isn’t harsh or sarcastic. It doesn’t act hysterical or fearful. You become thoughtful and careful in your deeds toward your husband and God. Long suffering and Forbearing means just that, PUT UP WITH YOUR HUSBAND! Just as God loves us, gave his son, Jesus Christ, for our transgressions, our sins, our carnal nature, we need to love our husbands with that same love. Easy said, huh? But what if a say there is a difference in loving your husband through your “wife lens” than loving him through “Gods lens”? God’s lens looks past your imperfection and leaves the door of communication and grace.
“…… For man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” Latter part of 1 Samuel 16:7
“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud.”Proverbs 16:18-19
When we are coated in pride, we leave no room for God. We become bitter and resentful. We build these giant walls and smother our intimacy. Our one flesh that God says “it is good” becomes fatally wounded but our selfish deeds and desires. Take the coat off… You may feel vulnerable at first, getting adjusted to the new climate, a little exposed. However, because God has given you free will, you have to freedom to give God the opportunity to clothe you in righteousness, humility, and sensitivity. You yield to God’s way. You become aware of the your husband’s feelings and the feelings of those around you. You now become love-focused isn’t of self-focused.
Adopting God’s perspective of your circumstances, your husband, your children and your relationships; seeing things from His point of view and embracing His way gives your joyful understanding and helps you to respond without sin. Remember this, I haven’t found a truer saying: “Attitude is the posture of the heart.”