Pride is not love

…but speaking the truth in LOVE , we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is head, even Christ”

Ephesians 4:15

When we face conflict within our marriage, how do you handle this? Justifying your behavior, maybe? Shifting blame? Revenge? And how do you feel after all of this is over? Do you feel heard? Did you reach common ground? Or guilty, with even more built up aggression? Do you feel proud of yourself? You know, telling it like it is. There is only one way to sum up this thinking….PRIDE.

Pride is an inflated opinion about yourself, a birthing of self-deception. Pride tells you that your opinions are justified. Pride speaks lies to you: “I can do this on my own!”, “It’s my way or no way!”, “He doesn’t know what he is doing!”, or “I’m an independent woman, I don’t need him!”. Pride is dangerous, it justifies your actions and opinions. Pride makes you become self-preserved, never acting in love. Instead of drawing the love of your life near you it has the opposing effect, it pushes him away. Marital conflicts can be resolved by laying our pride aside and working together as the one flesh, the unity that God intended.

” With all lowliness and meekness, with long suffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

Ephesians 4:2-3

These two verses sums up exactly what a believer’s reaction should be in the mist of conflict. Especially a wife! A humble wife views herself in perspective to God. You don’t think more highly of yourself than you ought to think. You become sensitive to God’s direction when you take the position of submissiveness to God’s word. When you humble yourself by putting your husband first. You go to seek God’s way and glorify Him with your meekness, your strength under control. This is one of the characteristics of modest apparel. A lot of times we, women, express too much emotion during conflict. There is nothing sinful about being emotional but it can become sinful when it is used to manipulate your way over your husband. Gentleness or meekness in this verse gives compassion. It isn’t harsh or sarcastic. It doesn’t act hysterical or fearful. You become thoughtful and careful in your deeds toward your husband and God. Long suffering and Forbearing means just that, PUT UP WITH YOUR HUSBAND! Just as God loves us, gave his son, Jesus Christ, for our transgressions, our sins, our carnal nature, we need to love our husbands with that same love. Easy said, huh? But what if a say there is a difference in loving your husband through your “wife lens” than loving him through “Gods lens”? God’s lens looks past your imperfection and leaves the door of communication and grace.
“…… For man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” Latter part of 1 Samuel 16:7

“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud.”

Proverbs 16:18-19

When we are coated in pride, we leave no room for God. We become bitter and resentful. We build these giant walls and smother our intimacy. Our one flesh that God says “it is good” becomes fatally wounded but our selfish deeds and desires. Take the coat off… You may feel vulnerable at first, getting adjusted to the new climate, a little exposed. However, because God has given you free will, you have to freedom to give God the opportunity to clothe you in righteousness, humility, and sensitivity. You yield to God’s way. You become aware of the your husband’s feelings and the feelings of those around you. You now become love-focused isn’t of self-focused.

Adopting God’s perspective of your circumstances, your husband, your children and your relationships; seeing things from His point of view and embracing His way gives your joyful understanding and helps you to respond without sin. Remember this, I haven’t found a truer saying: “Attitude is the posture of the heart.”

The Holiness in Marriage

“…he is like a refiners fire, and like fullers’ soap: And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver…..and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness.

Malachi 3:2-3

A christian marriage, really any marriage comes to a point of conflicted views, opinions or old habits that have become comfortable enough to rise to the surface. We start to realize our “knight in shining armor” is really just a man. And us princesses, is just a woman. We are not fairy tale characters. We do not have perfect posture or perfect hair, not even close to perfect attitudes. This is why I love Jesus. He made the way for a sinner to be saved by grace!

What is it to be a refiner? Webster’s dictionary tells us, “Refiner is an improver in purity and elegance.” In order to refine gold, fire is used to heat gold to extreme temperatures to remove its impurities. Of course to do this it is a long process of heat, hammering, scrapping before the end result of pure gold. The same way gold is put under extreme conditions to become pure, so are we. We will go through hardship , tests, and many, many trails. In the processes of your refining, you will deal with inner conflict that you will let go of, all while embracing God’s way. It will be tough. It will be uncomfortable. But it will be worth it. We will be given the desire to become a peculiar people zealous of good works. God is refining us!

Yet, this is the same within our marriage. Our marriage is under a process of transformation. Learning to adjust from an independent single lifestyle to focusing on your husband. You enter into this covenant with your husband . You have been set apart exclusively for him. How excited you must have felt that day?! It was the most glorious day of my life! Once you two moved in together, the rest of the world is shut out, you start to notice little things. You realize neither of you are perfect! Life throws hardships, temptations, and trails at your marriage. You and your husband are facing this realization that sin can surface in even the most intimate relationship created by God.

“For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth.”

Ephesians 5:9

Marriage is not about us fulfilling our needs. We are wives, godly wives. Committed to our husbands. No longer pertaining ourselves in our own selfishness. We seek to live a life of love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. We do not operate as our own body, but as one flesh. You and your beloved, in your individual entities created by God, has been designed to work in unity.

In I Corinthians 12:26, Paul warns the Corinthians to beware of how the body as a whole is doing; if one part suffers, every part suffers. If you intentionally chose, different seasons in marriage can be a way for God to refine you and your husband. Be a wife eager to serve God, you will never grow weary trying to work as one with your husband. As God is refining you, pray that God will captivate your husband’s heart. As gold, your love toward each other will be refined into the puritest form.

In His Image

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”

Ecclesiastes 4:10-11

The relationship with God and the church is found on an impeccable love. A love of unconditional grace and mercy. A love that made the one and only true Savior take our place on a rugged cross for our sin debts. This incredible love story between God and the church is the exact representation of what a husband and wife’s marriage should mirror.

However, our marriage is not bulletproof, its not immune to the influence of a sin filled world. A marriage no matter how strong the love is, is fragile. This is why it is most important to protect your marriage and build it strong with God as the concrete foundation. Understanding God’s purpose for your marriage gives you a picture of why this covenant between you and your beloved is such a strong one.Satan, himself makes it priority to separate families.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them”

Genesis 1:27

You and your husband, with the fullness of both of your designs, mirror the fullness of God’s image. You complement each other so beautifully. Your marriage is more that just vows, flowers, and even sex. This marriage, man and woman, joining together, two becoming one flesh is an opportunity to bring glory to God! Do you see how important your union is? Why God himself blessed man and woman to enter into a covenant of ‘until death do us part’? Amazing, right?!

Now that we know this, what do we as wives do? We pray…… We pray frequently and intentional for our husband, for our marriage and also for our own hearts. Praying will align your heart and desire to God Almighty’s will. Understanding that God’s grace is sufficient for you and you need to extend that grace toward your husband. Remember godly love is NOT a feeling,it is a choice.

When I pray for my husband, I first thank God for him, I lift up the needs my husband may have and ask protection over him. Praying will defend the cause of Christ and soften your heart toward your beloved. Pray for yourself to be tuned into his needs, reverence him, submit your self to God by respecting your husband. ( I will cover submission in another post). Ask God to show you a change needed. Though the joke goes “Women are always right”, let’s be honest, we are not. We have to look for heart changes as well. Sometimes we may need to tell our husband we are wrong… (Gasp!!!). Apostle Paul tells us to be”transformed by the renewing of our mind”,what better way to be transformed than through prayer.

Here are some areas in your marriage to pray over:


If you wonder what to do if your husband declines your need to pray together. Then pray alone. It is only God that can change his desires. You fight your battle with God at the forefront. I will pray for you as well.