Pride is not love

…but speaking the truth in LOVE , we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is head, even Christ”

Ephesians 4:15

When we face conflict within our marriage, how do you handle this? Justifying your behavior, maybe? Shifting blame? Revenge? And how do you feel after all of this is over? Do you feel heard? Did you reach common ground? Or guilty, with even more built up aggression? Do you feel proud of yourself? You know, telling it like it is. There is only one way to sum up this thinking….PRIDE.

Pride is an inflated opinion about yourself, a birthing of self-deception. Pride tells you that your opinions are justified. Pride speaks lies to you: “I can do this on my own!”, “It’s my way or no way!”, “He doesn’t know what he is doing!”, or “I’m an independent woman, I don’t need him!”. Pride is dangerous, it justifies your actions and opinions. Pride makes you become self-preserved, never acting in love. Instead of drawing the love of your life near you it has the opposing effect, it pushes him away. Marital conflicts can be resolved by laying our pride aside and working together as the one flesh, the unity that God intended.

” With all lowliness and meekness, with long suffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

Ephesians 4:2-3

These two verses sums up exactly what a believer’s reaction should be in the mist of conflict. Especially a wife! A humble wife views herself in perspective to God. You don’t think more highly of yourself than you ought to think. You become sensitive to God’s direction when you take the position of submissiveness to God’s word. When you humble yourself by putting your husband first. You go to seek God’s way and glorify Him with your meekness, your strength under control. This is one of the characteristics of modest apparel. A lot of times we, women, express too much emotion during conflict. There is nothing sinful about being emotional but it can become sinful when it is used to manipulate your way over your husband. Gentleness or meekness in this verse gives compassion. It isn’t harsh or sarcastic. It doesn’t act hysterical or fearful. You become thoughtful and careful in your deeds toward your husband and God. Long suffering and Forbearing means just that, PUT UP WITH YOUR HUSBAND! Just as God loves us, gave his son, Jesus Christ, for our transgressions, our sins, our carnal nature, we need to love our husbands with that same love. Easy said, huh? But what if a say there is a difference in loving your husband through your “wife lens” than loving him through “Gods lens”? God’s lens looks past your imperfection and leaves the door of communication and grace.
“…… For man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” Latter part of 1 Samuel 16:7

“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud.”

Proverbs 16:18-19

When we are coated in pride, we leave no room for God. We become bitter and resentful. We build these giant walls and smother our intimacy. Our one flesh that God says “it is good” becomes fatally wounded but our selfish deeds and desires. Take the coat off… You may feel vulnerable at first, getting adjusted to the new climate, a little exposed. However, because God has given you free will, you have to freedom to give God the opportunity to clothe you in righteousness, humility, and sensitivity. You yield to God’s way. You become aware of the your husband’s feelings and the feelings of those around you. You now become love-focused isn’t of self-focused.

Adopting God’s perspective of your circumstances, your husband, your children and your relationships; seeing things from His point of view and embracing His way gives your joyful understanding and helps you to respond without sin. Remember this, I haven’t found a truer saying: “Attitude is the posture of the heart.”

In His Image

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”

Ecclesiastes 4:10-11

The relationship with God and the church is found on an impeccable love. A love of unconditional grace and mercy. A love that made the one and only true Savior take our place on a rugged cross for our sin debts. This incredible love story between God and the church is the exact representation of what a husband and wife’s marriage should mirror.

However, our marriage is not bulletproof, its not immune to the influence of a sin filled world. A marriage no matter how strong the love is, is fragile. This is why it is most important to protect your marriage and build it strong with God as the concrete foundation. Understanding God’s purpose for your marriage gives you a picture of why this covenant between you and your beloved is such a strong one.Satan, himself makes it priority to separate families.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them”

Genesis 1:27

You and your husband, with the fullness of both of your designs, mirror the fullness of God’s image. You complement each other so beautifully. Your marriage is more that just vows, flowers, and even sex. This marriage, man and woman, joining together, two becoming one flesh is an opportunity to bring glory to God! Do you see how important your union is? Why God himself blessed man and woman to enter into a covenant of ‘until death do us part’? Amazing, right?!

Now that we know this, what do we as wives do? We pray…… We pray frequently and intentional for our husband, for our marriage and also for our own hearts. Praying will align your heart and desire to God Almighty’s will. Understanding that God’s grace is sufficient for you and you need to extend that grace toward your husband. Remember godly love is NOT a feeling,it is a choice.

When I pray for my husband, I first thank God for him, I lift up the needs my husband may have and ask protection over him. Praying will defend the cause of Christ and soften your heart toward your beloved. Pray for yourself to be tuned into his needs, reverence him, submit your self to God by respecting your husband. ( I will cover submission in another post). Ask God to show you a change needed. Though the joke goes “Women are always right”, let’s be honest, we are not. We have to look for heart changes as well. Sometimes we may need to tell our husband we are wrong… (Gasp!!!). Apostle Paul tells us to be”transformed by the renewing of our mind”,what better way to be transformed than through prayer.

Here are some areas in your marriage to pray over:


If you wonder what to do if your husband declines your need to pray together. Then pray alone. It is only God that can change his desires. You fight your battle with God at the forefront. I will pray for you as well.